I will end the excerpt there + continue, verbatim, with what I wrote that day.

The feeling of euphoria is almost so big that it seems unreal, fake, unfathomable, undeserved, euphoric at being able to do. ABLE TO DO. I can DO all the time. I have been blessed by freedom. I am not in jail, can speak my mind, and now, beyond my wildest dreams, I don’t have to work a 9-5 job or commute. Although I believe I should have a job, do something for someone. The exhilarating feeling had everything to do with me doing what I wanted — and blaming others for not doing whatever else I wanted. I have been (+ lived) alone and still do not do what I want to do. It doesn’t make sense. Right?

THAT’S BECAUSE IT IS ALL INTERNAL, SPIRITUAL.

IT IS NOT ABOUT SOMEONE (or anyone | anything) ELSE.

Just before writing today, I read: The mind of the Buddha sees not good or bad people, but suffering and the end of suffering (what I think we are: walking in a garden of light and dark), and exhorts those heading toward suffering through greed or anger or fear to take care, to pay attention, to see how much they are capable of, rather than condemning them. He sees those heading toward the end of suffering through wisdom and loving-kindness and rejoices with them. Sharon Salzberg

Earlier this morning, I read: God fills your heart with a peace that runs contrary to your reality. Abundant life is the sense of divine adventure that pulsates through your soul — Awaken, Priscilla Shirer, Day 53

^{Did not digress, but did ramble.}

Sorry