(unless i’m warehousing), but something about lately is different than the past, than before, previously — cannot put my finger on any of it

don’t know what or why

I usually set out autumn decorations in mid to late September, but not this September. The weather has been so balmy that I decided to wait until October 1st. So I have the suckers (🎃) still in the two bins (with whatever else is in there —

refused to look and fall,

no pun intended, into a rabbit hole) but at the ready. Tomorrow I shall sprinkle autumn through the house and hang the few orange + stormy art pieces we have. It is not much, but enough to change the mood. Though I’m not ready for it,

perhaps that is what’s different.

And I just realized that it isn’t about the decor but the mood. The only decor change I jump at is summer, which then lingers a bit past its time. And I’m ok with that. One of these years, it will be summer in the house all 365 days.

could i do it? or would i miss the otherness?

but, back to the mood thing:

do i want a change OR remain where + how i am? surprisingly enough: remain

headed to where i long to be

am i already there? almost? doesn’t matter

i’m on the way

sort of a step ahead: expectant, active, newly alive in some way — don’t know what happened or how