a yellow tab

A yellow tab sticks out of the notebook where I transcribe a word, a phrase, a sentence or two, sometimes a thought — whatever I want to set down as I read in the morning. Hmm, from one page to another? Have many notebooks, full, for I read and jot almost every day. May have taken sabbaticals here and there, but those have been few. Perhaps that’s why I am driven to write:
to let out a truth for others to read (first wrote learn, then hear, but it’s obviously read) or a lie for me to let go.
back to the yellow tab
. . . a ‘continuity of being’ thought keeps pinging in my head. I AM who I WAS at age 10, 25, 40, and now at 56, and who I will be. The same. I have grown and developed in my natural self. Is that why we feel ‘young’ or ‘not my age’ as we mature? Because THAT PART | essence is untouchable?
But how come some people DON’T FEEL THAT? Has ‘it’ been thwarted, have they closed their hearts, been convinced otherwise?
Something to ponder
Me
if you have a lot of fear, you won’t like change … work to release it, or you can keep it and try to hide from it … you have defined HOW THINGS NEED TO BE in order for you to be OKAY.
Michael A. Singer
(emphasis mine)
our fear lest it should be a mercenary desire will die away and finally be recognized as an absurdity
in speaking of this desire … I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each of you … We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it …
… the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited …
CS LEWIS