squander?
 
sudden thought while reading a verse

Do I ‘remove’ peace, or the opportunity for peace, from my life — better yet, daily (seems more accessible to the thought, more realistic than the grandness of life)

by what i do and say?

Do I ‘remove’ — perhaps ‘push away’ provides a clearer image —  a spirit and soul-driven life, freedom, joy? Dare I say: righteousness? Yes, sometimes.

do i squander what i want?

sounds incorrect, but is it?

squander | ˈskwän-dər
to spend extravagantly or foolishly  —  to cause to disperse  —  to lose through negligence or inaction